Do we accept the pain or reject it? The first choice is accepting the pain because I know in the long run it’s going to help me learn. I’m going to go in and I’m going to examine my decisions. I’m going to see where maybe I could’ve improved, where I could’ve made a better decision that would’ve increased the likelihood that I had a better outcome. The short term is going to take a hit but in the long run, I’m going to feel better about myself and I’ll obviously have a more positive narrative of my life story over the long run, if I’m willing to do that. The second choice is avoiding the pain. People make this choice when they don’t want to face reality… when they want to preserve their self-narrative. They don’t want to take the hit so I’m going to blame it on luck. In the short run, that feels good, because you don’t need to do any kind of identity update. You don’t need to admit you were wrong. You don’t need to update your beliefs in any kind of way, or say that those beliefs were wrong, or that you made poor choices, or that you caused these things to happen, but it’s devastating to learning. It’s devastating to long term results.
